The past and future does seem to collide at times and you do wonder if it has something to do with the stars or that life just changes like a whiff of smoke or even to sound very cliché ‘Like the sands in the hourglass, these are the days of our lives’. Yes I did at one point watch that show and several others. I swear I think the day time soaps really do happen in real life except for the demon possession, which was the last time I watched that.
It seems when one chapter ends that another will start again. Its like relationships with family. I have very little if any communication with my step father over the last year that is if you call a ‘like’ on Facebook communication. Though to twist things around he did also adopt my sister and I so that meant our names changed from Watson to Beadel. I had thought things might be alright since the divorce and the last time I seen him face to face well over a year now that he wanted a form of contact or relationship, but after the last time he appeared with his fiancé on the Gold Coast it was like I was tossed aside for the others. It might not be the case, but he was within 3kms of where I live visiting his mother who had her 80th and dinner too. Being a nice person I am, I thought it was honourable to wish him a happy birthday several days ago. Did I get a response? I did of sorts unless you call a ‘Like’ on his page as communication along with his fiancé, but there was nothing to say ‘Thank You’. I am beginning to wonder if that is a relationship if you even call it that to walk away from as I do feel I would not have any regrets from doing so.
The funny thing about a relationship that seemingly disappears into nothing is that there has been renewal with another relationship through my natural father, Nigel who does live in the local area especially when we actually got in touch many years ago after not hearing a word for around 20 years. I probably told this one before. He had his issues and that are his own. We seem to get along like a house on fire and mum has a friendship with him too so I should think they are both keeping an eye on myself in their own way in making sure I am alright. In the past I had anger towards him like for leaving and for vanishing. The older I get I no longer have any of that especially as I understand his circumstances.
With the Step father’s vanished relationships, I have seen several people act in the same manner like one guy who I shall call Mr. G who I have no idea what he wants, but acts like step dad in the same mannerisms. I did have some issues with him telling me he hates things and I put my foot down to nip it in the bud as negativity was just plain annoying and in my view actually bordering on censorship. When you tell me you actively hate an author, but they in turn wont tell you who they like to read speaks volumes. I just assume Mr. G hates books or has problems reading them. A little respect does go a long way instead of trying to fight people and then there was Mr. T who thought lecturing me was something he should do and thought I should be censored. The G and T’s were not the sort of people to ask how you were. I do not actually want to meet either in person especially through what seems to be hostile actions. I have heard my grandfather on the same family side was very manipulative, which was why when he was alive mum said, I should never visit him in person or alone. That and he was a domestic abuser and why my grandmother is no longer together from the 1960s onwards. I have had one person who told me he would have changed in age etc. I know leopards never change their spots especially not ones like that. I do know both mum and granny felt relief and a burden off their shoulders with his passing. I would take their word on that grandfather over anyone elses especially when two have the same story. Claude who for some reason gets mistaken for that grandfather of the G line I don’t think says anything, but it is a grave insult to be compared to an abuser. Mum and Granny got away from the man for a reason and in the time I have heard little worrying things about that man.
I probably hold people at arm’s length usually and tend to ignore them if I don’t think they are that nice or even ‘cool’. I am that person that looks like they don’t find things funny or show emotion. I could be wintery cold towards people, but that is life. I am not too worried by things that have happened in the past, present and future, but I like doing things for myself as I have actually found myself and several friends to be reliable. I am just wary of people claiming to be family, but not really wanting anything to do with you. I tend to think they are after something or someone especially not for genuine reasons. If I ‘comment’ on something then acknowledging my existence would be a step forward especially as I have done that with people in the past and never heard a thing. I move upward and forward to grasp the future. That future has fingerbuns and travel.
I think I proved myself to be the bigger man in wishing a birthday wish and not ignoring people, but I have been proved otherwise that any effort to move forward with certain people might actually be dangerous and ill-advised. I am going pretty good and nothing can break the unbreakable unless there are chinks and I might have chinks in my armour, but its far from tarnished.