The family unit as an experience of trust

People say blood is thicker than water and that you cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends. That is something I have found to be very true. I tent to dismiss people when they tell me not all family is like that, but from my experience they actually are and it seems to be a huge cycle that I have accepted and moved on with. I don’t actually give people second chances especially family. If you do something I don’t like then I do not see grey to the black and white. These days its just like that, partially why I don’t talk to certain people online especially when it means I am ignored. I place that instantly in the category of playing games and I want no part of that. Example is I make a comment and everyone else gets a reply, but you ignore what I have said so I brush you off and remove the comment. I then move on or if I decide you are completely stupid and parrot the advice of everyone else and then continue to lecture me about something and act like an ass about it then its goodbye (The same people who tell others not to be sheep, but they act like sheep).

 

A recent revelation had me sort of questioning a relationship with a family member that I thought was reliable and does show that a year changes everything especially when you have not spoken to them for that length of time. It is not the only thing like that that has occurred in the past, but it does hurt a tough when you think they have done so deliberately, which is not cool in the slightest. It could have been because of a family divorce, which is highly likely or because I have associations with mum so doesn’t want anything to do with me. My only wish is the person be honest and tell me. I do think it is time to cut all ties and just say, I no longer wish to speak or have contact with you again, which will make people’s little games vanish.

 

To be honest this is not an unusual occurrence within the family as it has happened all too often and a reason why I am no longer in contact with certain people even if they have passed away. My best assessment is not to trust family on their word as they are not truthful about anything. I have asked one family member if someone else could be found through family tree records and the response was they have no records, but I had an ace up my sleeve where I mentioned two dates and the whiplash was instantaneous. There had been records and I had a date after all for a birth. The same person denied to their son’s face that their family had mental illness and dismissed him as being silly after he spoke to them about the issue. He spent several years in and out of institutions due to the damage that had been caused and he had not been in contact with his parents ever since to the point where they could not find him as he lived in another country.

 

I shall include the step grandparents, although they are a strange bunch. It is interesting to note that they never treated the step grandchildren as their own and always spoilt the grand children. I felt no animosity towards that except when they told other people that I was their favourite person when they had in fact had little to do with me. When told this, I laughed and told the people they had been manipulated. I can remember two Christmases where they were forced to give presents to myself and my sister as the parents didn’t want the two of us to be left out. I ended up with a cheap radio cassette. When I say cheap it was a $20 dollar thing and was something I loved, but not really the point. Another Christmas it was actually mum who had been given money by them to get my sister and myself something, which ended up being clothes. I know they were testing mum with money that were not hers as they really did not like her and have once said they prefer the ex.

 

I don’t know how long it was, but I always called them by their surname and they encouraged it, but I grew bored of that after a while and ended up using their given names. Permission had to be granted though that I do remember. The face of the business is it’s a family thing, but they still charge family to stay at their family business including with family who did live and work there. There were no freebies. Promises for our own vehicle (not mine as I was too young to drive) that would be given to us turned out to have strings attached, which ended up being a business vehicle where even the ‘owners’ had to book in time to use it, but it was for our use and the car we did have we sold due to a promise. Later on a car was also promised to be given and it never happened. There was a ‘gift’ that was used as a deposit on a house and the grandparents tried to get control of where we moved to, but it never worked. Since a family member worked for the family business the ‘gift’ appeared on the group certificate and then there were taxes to pay along with other extras like child support.

 

I take people by their word and if they let me down then I don’t want anything to do with them especially when they ‘forget’. A family member from a group who found me through family history said they lived in Sydney and I organised to meet them including getting their phone number. The day came as I had helped a friend doing her PHD to move temporarily to the Sydney university campus. I rang twice and no response. I found out a week later that they had apparently lost their phone, but there had been no apology for dicking me around. I only give the one chance and if they brush me off, I wont offer and I just lose interest in them. Same with people saying they will be in one place and weeks later they are actually in another. I will take people by their word.

 

A step sibling I had heard once said he was jealous of me as I spent time with his dad and he didn’t as he lived with his mother. I really did not know what there was to be jealous over as he was in contact and when younger it was pretty tough having 5 of us kids in a caravan. He created a bit of damage while I was once on holiday in Sydney by saying I had been mugged. I had seen a show at the Opera House and seen a message asking if I was alright and my response was I still had my phone. Not knowing the full story and then realising family had been very worried and upset over my apparent mugging. Turns out I learnt the full story once I got home. The same person thought it was once again fun to say I was having a big party while the parents were away and they knew better. He same person barred me from even having contact with his kids by saying he didn’t trust me even though he had been given info on Aspergers, which was never red. I heard later that he had said he wanted no retards near his children meaning me. His father never did a thing nor told him off about it. He has a thing with trying to cause trouble and gets offended and angry when you confront them with the truth and didn’t like it when I called him a lapdog to someone else who had said I turned my back on them when I had not.

I never put down the fact that I got people offside when I got angry over an alcoholic sibling who thought he could take a set of keys to try and steal a family members car so he could go on a drive while plastered. I went off at him rthe next day and since it was in the middle of a messy separation, it wasnt me who got the blame as no one thought it was my idea to lecture, but the blame went between the to family members until it was realised that I did it on my own. Though I didnt want to be living with a drug user and an alcoholic especially since I am missing two senses and it would be dangerous for myself. Like he sniffs petrol and I wouldnt know or smoke inside and I wouldnt know what it was he is smoking.

When people (family) make generous offers like for a camera system which they say they would like to help me with my travels, it does ring alarm bells as I don’t know what catches there are or what strings are attached especially after past experiences. People might be generous and I wonder if they should be more generous to their own family members instead of myself. I do have trusted advisors who I ask for their thought and while, I am unsure they think things like that are very genuine, although I do tend to drag my feet wondering if the people would give up and forget about it, but there are genuine people out there, but they do tend to be few and far between. I know the camera offerer is genuine and I have met him so know that he is unique and cool. I just havnt met up with them for quite some time and as people seem to be getting older, I should actually do it. Maybe in someway it is also thanks get getting them in touch with other family member that I have found, but I am still really wary of them due to past experiences.

 

I would say I am a great manipulator, but there is no way I could do stuff like that and not get caught as I have when I tried like to save money. My big mouth always gets in the way. I just like being left alone and to do my own thing. Many of the family members who do that are doing me a favour and I know who to trust as its only the family I know in person and not really the ones I have found online.  I don’t care for the online protest type stuff, but that isn’t what concerns nor interests me at all unless they try to lecture me on the error of my ways and then I become hard headed and that is something I don’t like especially when they might not be informed either, but think its funny when you are serious and try to inform them by providing sources.

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