Thrust in the Trust of the primiselands

There are times when you have to think to yourself if its actually worth being angry or upset with people especially family over their actions. I do find that getting annoyed is easy, but if you have an outlet for that annoyance then you will feel better later. Work can be a great use for that and also excellent thinking time even if the thoughts do rattle around in a complete circle back to where they begin.

 

I havnt heard from a certain family member who went down to live in Tasmania a while back. I last spoke to him when he was up this way around March / April of 2016 and he promised to have a discussion about my boots as I thought I would need new ones after an epic trip in New Zealand. Then nothing. It was likely that he thought that I was using work as an excuse to get away, but I really had to get to work. There was no correspondence like for my birthday, Christmas or even the aftermath of a November Earthquake while I was in New Zealand. I was not terribly worried and then, then a Facebook communication on Boxing Day asking me to accept being listed as a family member. Days later a group text to say there was an engagement.

 

I know communication works both ways, but it seems to be a thing with people treating me like am obligatory figure. When they know I have something like Aspergers or even being ‘different’ that I have to be treated like I am really dumb. Sure I may joke around, but there are people out there that actually treat people like me as though I am seen, kinda heard, but they have to speak for me when you know they actually have not really taken the time unless you are really close family or  close friends like my Amigos who know me better than others.

 

I do know how family dynamics do work, although I hate to say, I have seem more of the dark side than anyone else and once bitten I will avoid. If I think someone is incredibly stupid, then I will treat them like that. I actually have done that and removed them from my life or I heard another family member say that he wont have his child near any retards (Which is directed at me and I have not spoken to him for close to six years). I have seen others make endless promises especially with help for a homeloan deposit and then later turn around placing that money onto a group certificate so that the ‘gift’ ended up giving endlessly. The family was actually and employer so that made it even worse. I always wonder when people make offerings what the catch is or even if the strings are attached.

 

It seemed to happen again when I came together through some family tree research and I thought the people were alright as they were another branch I had found. I did have one say I am like a son and to me that rings large alarm bells especially when people I have never met say that. I am instantly suspicious of what they are wanting. Though a year or so later they just seem really weird as the shine wore off. I do wonder if they are like what mum has said her dad is like as he was an asshat that played head games and very manipulative along with being very physical. It makes me wonder about many people who are from mum’s dad’s side of the family. One at the moment is really negative and keeps telling me he hates certain books and it gets me down as I feel like I am being dictated as to what I should be reading like what another family member I know of has tried to do in the past. I should set the person free never to hear from them again. Mum’s step dad is way better anyway and I am comfortable around him. We have more in common especially our love of travel.

 

I am not worried about being side lined, it just makes me stronger and learn more as I go. I have a small select group of people who I trust for their thoughts and opinions. I needed to get this off my chest and I find it helps with the thought process as it gets everything off my chest. Blood maybe thicker than water in regards to family, but at least you can choose your friends.

 

Another thing that is funny was that a workmate thought I wasn’t going to enjoy Christmas as I didn’t want to be with my step siblings. I wouldn’t want to be near any of them anyway as they don’t have my interest. I know their ways and its not where I want to be. I think its mostly that I wear a Bah Humbug Hat at work. It is an image of me that I do like playing with. I am different and that is good, which shows in the workplace. I did explain my intolerance to my step siblings, but my love for my sister and nephew. I am older so I don’t have to follow what people want me to do especially family.

One thought on “Thrust in the Trust of the primiselands

  1. There are two kinds of ‘family’ – one refers to blood ties, and the other can be anyone who is bound to you with special bonds of empathic resonance. I count you as my family – my two Amigos – and I am honoured that you feel safe and embraced with us too.

    A great post – and yes, sometimes we do need to get things off our chest! xo Hugs xo

    Like

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